I’m Just


Forty Reasons for Automobile Drivers Parking in Bike Lanes
…on Toronto’s Bay and College Streets, which are designated “no parking” and even “no stopping” and completely not-enforced by cops who seem to have no problem stopping cyclists to make sure their bells and brakes are functioning properly:

  1. “I’m just getting a cup of coffee from Starbucks.”
  2. “I’m just dropping my husband off at work.”
  3. “I’m just picking up a package.”
  4. “I’m just delivering office furniture and the loading dock is all the way around the corner.”
  5. “I’m just learning how to drive and figure that one of the busiest streets in the largest city in the country is a good place to practice.”
  6. “I’m just waiting to pick up my wife after work.”
  7. “I’m just taking a phone call and, yes, I am that important.”
  8. “I’m just touching up my make-up.”
  9. “I’m just completely underequipped to handle complex, urban-living tasks like sign-reading.”
  10. “I’m just delivering a pizza.”
  11. “I’m just picking up a pizza.”
  12. “I’m just waiting to see if that girl I passed 40 meters back will look at me.”
  13. “I’m just holding on to the belief that there is no person more important than me, so go fuck yourself.”
  14. “I’m just waiting to see if my barber buddy wants to join me for a smoke.”
  15. “I’m just eating a pizza.”
  16. “I’m just calling my broker.”
  17. “I’m just shooting someone in the face.”
  18. “I’m just waiting for my assistant to send a superimportant document to my Treo.”
  19. “I’m just trying to get my baby to stop crying.”
  20. “I’m just calling my realtor.”
  21. “I’m just not seeing why it’s any business of yours.”
  22. “I’m just seeing who’s lined up to get into the Mod Club.”
  23. “I’m just trying to decide whether to play the latest Black Eyed Peas or the new Goo Goo Dolls.”
  24. “I’m just seeing who my girlfriend is leaving the office with.”
  25. “I’m just blowing my nose.”
  26. “I’m just enjoying this beautiful day, and you should, too, instead of rushing around and being a Grumpy Gus.”
  27. “I’m just addressing this envelope before dropping it in the mailbox.”
  28. “I’m just in from Buffalo and am not sure what ‘no stopping’ means in American.”
  29. “I’m just trying to find my sunglasses.”
  30. “I’m just trying to hook up my iPod Mini to my car stereo.”
  31. “I’m just looking at a map.”
  32. “I’m just too stupid to live, let alone drive.”
  33. “I’m just trying to get my kids to stop fighting.”
  34. “I’m just trying to reapply my rainbow window decal.”
  35. “I’m just going to the ATM.”
  36. “I’m just talking to my beautiful, clever, little kitty, Mister Mittens, who decided to come shopping with me.”
  37. “I’m just seeing who’s coming out of the Sutton Place during the Festival.
  38. “I’m just waiting for… it’s none of your goddamned business!”
  39. “I’m just applying for a mortgage.”
  40. “I’m just having a heart attack.”

Sure, cyclists can be total tools (right, Tara?) but, damn, automobile drivers’ flagrant sense of entitlement, not to mention their unimpeded flouting of the law, is impenetrably stupid. And dangerous! Especially during Toronto’s recent transit strike, in which the number of cyclists in the downtown core increased at a much greater rate than drivers. Also, it’s Bike Week, dammit, so just read the frackin’ signs and just get out of the bike lanes.

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