Bell’s Freudian Offer to “Meet My Needs”


Two beavers contemplate a rather thick, sturdy tree trunk, and are asked “have you seen BStewart?”:

Have you seen BStewart?

I received this card in the mail yesterday, from my former land-line telephone service provider — I dropped Bell for phone service back in April (you may have read about the disastrous dealings I had with the Customer Service and Billing Department a-holes at Primus before I landed, quite happily, with Vonage).

But back to the card. Setting aside the weirdness of having a card addressed in a manner to which I’m accustomed only online, I can only imagine what students of Freud would make of it… Two beavers (!), their wee paws who-knows-where, contemplating a thick, sturdy tree-trunk (!). Forget that beavers (!) are widely-known Canadian symbols. They are beavers (!), regardless. And they are mesmerized by a very thick tree trunk (!). A. Tree. Trunk. (!) And the beavers (!) are asked (or maybe they’re asking): “have you seen BStewart?” Or even “have you seen BStewart?

I am truly flattered, Bell Canada.

On the other hand (!), it appears they were buttering me up (!) for a hard (!) sell:

...exactly what you need.

Well, Kev, exactly what I need from Bell Canada, in order to even consider returning my business to you, is this:

  • a refund of $30-40 per month for every month I was a Bell Canada customer (19 years), the differential between what you charged and what I am now paying for better service and more features than you ever gave me
  • a refund of 80% of my long-distance charges made during my 19 years with Bell Canada, the differential between what you charged and what I could’ve paid had I taken a chance on those scratch-n-save, corner-store, phone cards sooner
  • approximately 80 hours of my life back, spent over the 19 years with Bell Canada on the telephone (in queue or talking to one of the rude, unhelpful dickwads in your Billing, Customer Service and Technical departments)
  • a refund of all the money spent on your “line insurance” program, which I was then told would not cover a replacement line from the phone closet in my buidling to my apartment, since you people were never able to provide more than 2 working wires for my phone line in the first place

Get back to me on that, okay? And bite my trunk.

3 Responses to “Bell’s Freudian Offer to “Meet My Needs””

  1. 1 Jennifer from Nebraska

    That’s what I like to call them!

  2. 2 Claude from Montreal

    I have been with Bell for many years well over 15 to be more precise when ever I called technical support the wait was no more then 5 minutes and their support never failed to fix the problem the first time around with excellent and courteous representatives. I have never even had a single billing problem yes they are pricey I have to admit and I was considering changing to Primus because it was much cheaper, I have a friend who swears by Primus but that idea changed very fast when I read this blog.Cheaper does not mean better, my wife even warned me about changing she asked me if my internet had ever been down I said “no it never has” she went on to tell me about the nightmares people she worked with were having with Primus.

    She even went as far as warning me if I changed to Primus it was I who would be stuck dealing with customer service and not her because of all the bad things she had heard about Primus. Well this blog was the big convincer for me I will stay on with the beavers(Bell) why should I change if I have never ever had a single bad experience with Bell I think many would do the same in my shoes . As the old saying goes if it ain’t broke don’t fixed it, even when I was with Sprint Canada I have to say I never had a problem with them, the reason I switch back was of all the different bills I had I want just one single bill to pay.

    If Sprint hasn’t changed in 15 years or so you could look into using them as they have an excellent customer service and and excellent technical service also very professional I would go back to them if Bell was bad. I finally have to say one person may have excellent service and experience while another it could be there worse nightmare and swear never to return to them if they were the last company on earth

  1. 1

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