1965 Simplified Kinsey Test


So, if you’re a man of a certain age, or even a bit younger, you’ll recognize this Simplified Kinsey Test from 1965:

Herb Alpert album cover of sexual determination

If it got you going, you turned out straight. If it didn’t, you were me, no matter how much you tried to get it to get you going. I even tried some self-styled behaviour modification therapy: the old bait-and-switch (bait == the men’s underwear section of Eaton’s catalogue, switch == Whipped Cream album cover, at just the “right” moment, if you know what I mean (and I think you do)) so many times, to absolutely no avail.

I do wonder, though, how many men’s sexual taxonomies were affected by Herb Alpert’s Tijuana Brass’ Whipped Cream & Other Delights album cover. Because, for serious, anecdotal research among my peers, and even casual Googling, reveals that I wasn’t the only one for whom that album’s cover art was a sexual-development milestone, a watershed moment in a young man’s sexual identity.

I’m advocating a heavily-funded research study.

Also? Best album cover ever.

5 Responses to “1965 Simplified Kinsey Test”

  1. 1 Ian

    I guess I fall into the camp of guys who grooved on the album cover’s aesthetic qualities well before it occurred to me that it was sexually arousing. Nice typeface, nice photo – girl got a sweet tooth. The cream on her finger represents what?

  2. 2 bstewart23

    I, on the other hand, was thinking “god, I’d kill for hair like that! Also, what a great hat!”

    Mom, I’m kidding. Even at that age I was wanting male pattern baldness. The hat rocked, though.

  3. Oh crap, I’m 13 again.

  4. 4 Bob

    Like Ian, I liked the aesthetic. And the shock value. But I must be so gay because it never occurred to me until now that it might arouse anyone.

  5. 5 Scott

    My parents had this album stored away in their room-sized Magnavox console stereo. I always wondered how they got all that whipped cream on the model. I have a vague memory of trying to accomplish the same effect on my 11-year-old manhood with Cool Whip and just making a mess in the bathroom. But that’s probably when I discovered the pleasure-enhancing effects of lube. So I guess that “Whipped Cream” played a significant role in my budding homosexuality.

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