The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle as It Applies to People Walking in Front of or Toward Me

13Oct06

While the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle states that you can’t measure with any absolute precision the position or momentum of discrete particles, I’d like to propose that it’s entirely possible to predict the exact location of anyone relatively close to me while I’m walking down the street, through a shopping centre or in some corridor:

They will position themselves, with a frightening precision, directly in my path, as slowly as possible and, more often than not, stop directly in my path, usually in the narrowest point in any passageway.

Deviations from this observation are statistically insignificant.



6 Responses to “The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle as It Applies to People Walking in Front of or Toward Me”

  1. 1 Andrew

    “any time today (to move along, pay attention, fill-in-the-blank with pretty much anything that comes to mind!)” is usually what goes through my mind, although more often than not, it actually comes out of my mouth!

  2. 2 John A

    shop on the higher floors of shopping centres. denser people are, obviously, more dense…and the force of gravity tends to push them to the lower levels of malls. this leaves the upper levels a little less congested to those that are far more aware of their surroundings. hey, i like to help.

  3. And then there are those who stop at the end of the escalator/stairs or just inside/outside the doorway to figure out where they’re going.

  4. 4 Wheeliecrone

    Let me tell you how much worse this is if you use a wheelchair – in that case, not only do people amble, swerve to and fro across your path, or actually walk straight into you and then give you a filthy look, but in addition – because you are short in stature (what with being seated, and all) when you are caught travelling behind some of theses bozos, people coming toward you cannot see you and they fall into your lap! And lest that sound like an unexpected fun time, I’m here to tell you that it is painful! And, if you have osteoporosis in addition to whatever disability caused your need to use a wheelchair in the first place, there is a strong possibility of broken bones!
    My suggestion? Watch where the fuck you are going, please! Pay attention, occasionally!

  5. 5 bstewart23

    I think you should lobby Parliament to legalize wheelchair-mounted, vapourizing lasers. I’d vote in favour of that. And help you install and test it, for real.

  6. 6 Rae

    Lasers are excessive, and denote a lack of restraint.

    Spikes and razorblades, that’s the way to go. Nobody’s going to shove that wheelchair if they know they could lose whole limbs on contact.


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