If It’s Conjoined at the Head and Requires Years of Dangerous and Expensive Surgeries, It Leads


Why do I watch CTV National News before going to bed? I’m serious: why?

After a delightful evening with my English pal King Jack — who revealed with great dismay that BBC News led their broadcasts last week with (what else?) the Madonna adoption “story” — I caught this week’s (awesome!) Heroes and, as usual, fell asleep on the couch only to be awakened by Lloyd Robertson‘s familiar voice. I should’ve gone straight to bed.

CTV National News led their broadcast last night with the story of Vancouver’s 21-year-old Felicia Simms, who’s about to deliver conjoined twins, who’ll be consigned to years of dangerous and expensive surgeries — if they survive at all. Now, poor Felicia, too-young for the harsh glare of television’s myopic gaze, is clearly out of her element in this spotlight and very clearly overwhelmed by the enormity of what she’s about to undergo.

Questioning the wisdom of Felicia continuing the pregnancy is ill-timed, of course, and, quite frankly, none of anyone’s goddamned business, either. Certainly not the entirety of the country’s business. But, hey, perhaps we should be thankful that we live in such a jerkwater country that our national news broadcast leads with a very personal, private and harrowing story like this. Or not.

The second story makes more sense as a lead. Jeff Skilling, poster-boy for greedy corporate fuckweaselry, is sentenced to 24 years in prison for his role in the collapse of Enron: fraud, conspiracy, insider trading and lying to auditors. On his apparent lack of remorse for the destruction of thousands of careers and annihilation of $2 billion in pension funds, Skilling quips:

“People say Jeff hasn’t shown remorse, but that’s not true. My life has been a nightmare.”

Which, of course, is just about the least-remorseful and most-selfish thing a guilty fuck could possibly say under the circumstances. But just when you think that CTV National News has completely plumbed the depths of soulless assholery with that Skilling soundbite — and because Canadians are so damned fair and must present “the other side” even when “the other side” is so odious you could puke — they manage to dredge up Jacob Frenkel, a Washington, D.C. criminal defence attorney who puts it all into perspective:

“Do I think the sentence was excessive? I think it was grossly excessive, and illustrative of the big shift that we’ve seen in creating very stiff penalties, particularly jail terms, for white-collar crime.”

Rapists, murderers and drug traffickers have received lesser sentences, he said.

Because the greedy, unconscionable destruction of thousands of careers and the theft of billions in retirement & pension funds is so — oh, fuck it. Shut the fuck up, CTV National News.


UPDATE: The 21-year-old mother of (now) four gave birth by cesarean section to two girls on Wednesday and

The Vernon couple issued a statement requesting privacy “so that they can enjoy Tatiana’s and Krista’s arrival.”

One Response to “If It’s Conjoined at the Head and Requires Years of Dangerous and Expensive Surgeries, It Leads”

  1. 1 Ian

    Stealing paper clips and erasers from your office is white collar crime. Stealing a computer is felony theft. Stealing $100,000 or more is first-degree grand theft. What these Enron guys did – ya just gotta keep climbing that criminal scale.

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