Archive for the ‘Actual Gay Conversations’ Category

An Open Letter To Anyone Even Contemplating Trying To Convince Me To Go On A Gay Cruise Dear You, I know you mean well, really, but don’t. Just… don’t. I’m glad you had a terrific time on your gay cruise — and I say that without a trace of irony or sarcasm — but for […]

Decided by a group shaving at the sinks at my gym this morning — we need a new sign in the locker room: “Due to unprecedented damage to the ceramic floor tiles, the wearing of optimistically-sized metal cockrings in the shower room will be prohibited until further notice.”

This week marked the closing — chaining, actually, due to rent nonpayment — of the doors of the world’s least-sexy gay gym, which happened to be located in the throbbing core of downtown Toronto. This affords the former denizens of that facility the opportunity to explore bold new horizons in gymnasia, including the club to […]

Setting the scene: Two gay guys and one straight guy, shaving at the sinks in the locker room at my (mostly straight) gym a few weeks ago. A (presumably straight) locker room attendant is bent over, cleaning the floor nearby. A third gay guy approaches the sinks… Gay Guy 3: Tell me that’s not poppers […]

Don’t read this, Mom. Overheard at The Black Eagle, some time ago: Queen A: That guy is so hot. And he’s got a great nose. He’s got a Big Cock Nose. Queen B: What. Ever. He’s so totally your type, though. What’s it about his nose that makes it a Big Cock Nose? Queen A: […]

A phenomenon I like to call “Inching Toward the Truth”, overheard waiting for the light to change this morning outside Starbucks™: Queen 1: I just can’t function until I’ve had my morning coffee. Queen 2: That’s more than just a “coffee”, sweetie, that’s a Caramel Macchiato™. Queen 1: I know, I just needed to treat […]

While IMming with an acquaintance last night: Bitch555: So, I didn’t see you and your man at FFN on the weekend. bstewart23: We spent all weekend trimming our back hair to reproduce our favourite New Yorker cartoons. “FFN”? You mean “Folsom Fair North”? Bitch555: It’s “Fun Fête North”, or something like that, now. bstewart23: You’re […]